Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Sometimes....
Posted:Mar 17, 2021 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2021 3:08 pm
4851 Views

Sometimes I really miss talking the Hippie.

Especially days like today.

The Downstairs Neighbors woke up at midnight last night with their loud gaming and yelling "I got it! I got it!"

Got what????

Got a pissed off upstairs neighbor that's about pound your fucking door down and knock the shit out of you?

Yes you do!!

And that, my friends, is the beginning of the end for . I've literally been up since midnight last night and I am now at the end of my 'give a shit'.

Even now, as I sit here typing this, I can hear Mrs. Wolowitz down there having a conversation, word for word....

What is wrong with her???

Someone snip those goddamn vocal cords like they do with those dogs that bark too much!

I miss the way I could call him up on days like today and just.....

Tal

I could talk about the things that bothered , and tell him about the crazy moments that happened during the day, and laugh about the fact that I dropped a peanut down my shirt at some point this morning and it didn't fall out until several hours later when I was talking the New Guy.

"Hey, you dropped something."

"What?"

"You dropped something."

"I don't have anything, I think you're losing it."

"Nope, it's right here."

Bending down, the New Guy picked up a peanut and held it up the light look at it.

I recognized it instantly. I'd eaten one of those peanut packages out of the vending machine earlier, I had have dropped one down my shirt.

"Oh good God, it's not a fucking diamond. It's a peanut. Big deal."

He would have laughed and said 'leave it the crumb catchers'.

Alas, here I now sit, holding it all in.

Feeling lonely, feeling teary eyed......

Feeling like, if I disappeared today, would anyone even notice?

Ugh......
21 Comments
She doesn't like sex you say....
Posted:Mar 16, 2021 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2021 2:52 pm
4786 Views

Funny, that couples profile and the profile pic of your dick resting on her tongue doesn't quite scream "sexless marriage".

Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm just reading too much into the situation....

I was contacted the first time around by a 'couple' who were looking to find a third, a woman, to play with on a semi-regular basis.

Because this isn't something I'm looking for, I had responded back and turned down the offer. I thanked them for the interest but stated I was not looking for that type of experience.

Imagine my surprise when suddenly it's the male part of the couple that is messaging me back to let me know the female part of the couple has lost her interest in sex and it has been a few years since she has played. He is looking for a FWB situation to satisfy the needs the female part no longer satisfies.

Call me crazy....

But, that didn't make the situation any better at all. If anything, the whole situation seems deceitful and underhanded now.

When asked about the 'couples' profile and profile pic, the response was.....

'This profile is about 5 years old. I just use that photo for people to see what could be.'

What could be huh.... What could be with the woman who no longer likes sex? Or, what it could look like with your penis resting on my tongue? Or, this is what I looked like 5 years ago but I now suffer from erectile dysfunction from lack of use?

Yah....

I think this is a hard pass for me.

Good luck on that search though.
19 Comments
One foot, two foot......
Posted:Mar 16, 2021 3:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2021 2:55 pm
5037 Views

I didn't quite feel like going to the gym last night but I forced myself anyway.

"Hey, I didn't know you come here!"

One of my more fit, more attractive coworkers was headed toward me, smiling his biggest smile.

"Yah, I started back up about two weeks ago. I was going before but with the COVID thing, it kind of put a damper on everything."

Oh fantastic.....

If I didn't feel self conscious before, now I especially do. That nagging voice in the back of your mind telling you that you are being quietly judged by others now included being quietly judged by coworkers.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're back."

And, there he stood, right next to me. Watching me. Waiting for me. Expecting me to say something back.

All I could think of was, good God man! Go back to what you were doing so I can change my shoes and head to a treadmill!

"Pardon me while I slip out of these super sexy Dr. Scholl's work shoes and transfer my orthotics to my sleek new Fila gym shoes...."

I was game show modeling the shoe insert in my hand, slowly waving toward the tennis shoe.

When in doubt.... Deflect that discomfort with humor I always say!

I breathed a sigh of relief when he said he was headed out the door. The only thing worse than small talk is small talk while you're trying to exercise.

Egads!

Happy Tuesday!
21 Comments
How was my Monday?
Posted:Mar 15, 2021 8:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2021 10:03 pm
4988 Views
I think this pretty much sums it up.



I got a phone call from the Spawn's school today asking that I come pick her up. Apparently she's been quarantined due to exposure to another student who tested positive for COVID. The good news, I was told, was that she could return to school on Friday.

So, I'm thinking to myself....

When did this exposure happen? The didn't have school last week past Tuesday, it would have had to have been on Monday or Tuesday.

Why am I just now hearing about this?

I feel like there's something broken in this process. By the time I was notified it was already seven days into the quarantine period.

Even better, I got a call from the ex husband at about :19 am, he said he had just gotten off the phone with the school. He wanted know if I needed him go pick her up.

Funny thing is, I had already picked her up.

I had been the school, picked her up, dropped her off at the apartment, and returned back work by :06 am. I was on a time crunch as I was doing an orientation and had new employees meeting with me at am.

I'm not feeling very confident in the level of communication that's happening at the school presently.

Thankfully this is not something I have deal with very often.

Damn COVID!
15 Comments
The Continued Adventures of Apartment Complex Stud
Posted:Mar 14, 2021 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2021 7:59 pm
5165 Views

I returned from the , today, and found Apartment Complex Stud standing next to his truck in the parking lot.

Ugh!

Pulling my phone, I pretended to be occupied in hopes he would disappear into the building and there would be no need for an excruciating episode of parking lot small talk.

No such luck.

Several long moments later, I decided to just say 'fuck it' and got of my car, quickly trying to head into the building.

"Hey!"

Cripes... I knew I wouldn't make it past his truck.

"Oh, Hey!"

"I propped the door open. The hall stunk this morning, smelled like someone fried some bologna or something."

"Oh, well, that's not good."

Is that it? Is that the end?? I've lucked ...

"Is that your working the oil change place?"

I KNEW it couldn't be that easy!

"Yes, that's him."

"I thought so. He's changed my oil a couple of times."

", he's been there for a little bit."

Painful.... Small talk....

Here's the thing. I love conversation. I know a surprising of stuff about a wide variety of things.

But, small talk?? I can't fucking stand small talk....

" looking for workers. If any of his friends are looking for work, I can give them a job...."

blah blah blah blah

"Here's my . I'll have my license by the end of April."

"So, this is your own business? They would be working for you?"

This is new! Apartment Complex Stud is becoming a bona fide adult??

What is this feeling feeling?

Oh, that's right, shock and surprise.

", I have a backer, but it's my company."

"Oh, ok. I will definitely pass your information along if I hear of someone who is looking for work."

And now in possession of said business with all his information.

He would have been better off giving the to my when he was doing his oil change. He has way more contact with his friends than I do.

Oh well.

Parking lot networking...

Coming to a parking lot near you!
16 Comments
Because sex and alcohol fixes it all....
Posted:Mar 13, 2021 1:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2021 8:07 pm
5083 Views
I spent the evening drinking alcohol and the rest of the night having sex.

Not gonna lie, was a lil bit of a rough day for me yesterday.

One of those days where everything feels like a struggle and you find yourself picking up 400 employee badges from off the floor, out of your garbage, and scattered across your desk.... Because you were frustrated when you grabbed the holder and tipped sideways allowing badges spill out everywhere.

Fantastic!

The true highlight of my day, however, was the moment I decided peel back my covers and crawl into bed.

My guest had spent time with me before, so he was familiar with the TV in my bedroom and attempting to find the movie we had been watching while I started to undress.

Peeling back the covers, I went to positon my pillows when I happened to notice something sitting on my bed directly below a pillow.

It was this....



At some point during the day, the Spawn had decided to hide this little treasure in my bed, probably on my pillow.... But it had managed to slip down and find itself in its present location.

A true proud parent moment if ever was one....

How often does one find themselves in the midst of climbing into bed with a lover discover the creepy, severed head of their Spawn's demon doll??

certainly lends a unique ambiance.

Oh, but I DO love my Spawn for those very antics!!

's never a dull moment....

Happy Saturday!
24 Comments
Foul play afoot??
Posted:Mar 11, 2021 11:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2021 3:46 am
4652 Views

I can say is, let's grow here folks.

From a regular reader:

Check this BS out. When I posted my DNA post you this is what I got posted it by Fuck Mates so you did not see it.

Your comment has been denied due the following reason: Banned Topics (hate/weapons/under age). Feel free to submit a new comment.


More than one person has messaged me now to let me know their comments on recipe tips, funny gym moment, and scientific data has been rejected for being a banned topic.

Really?!

Yah...

I'll let y'all draw your own conclusion.
2 Comments
On the menu tonight!
Posted:Mar 11, 2021 4:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2021 1:42 pm
4586 Views
Looks like it would be tasty, doesn't it?!?

Pizza Monkey Bread



I'm not doing so hot with those faceplace recipes....

I started by cutting up the biscuits.



Added the pepperoni.



Added the cheese.



Added the spices.



Mixed it all up.



Put it in the pan to cook.



Easy, peasy lemon squeezy I tell ya!!

Here's what they don't tell you in that recipe....

The inside of that monkey bread WILL NEVER COOK!

I cooked it for the initial 20 minutes it called for in the recipe.....

Dough.

I cooked it for another 10 minutes.

Starting to brown, but still dough. Basically, dough in disguise!

I cooked it for a final 10 minutes.

Burnt dough.

Yep, that's one recipe I'm never going to try again. So disappointing....

It really did look like it was going to be tasty....

Psych!
24 Comments
A gym nemesis?
Posted:Mar 11, 2021 3:55 am
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2021 12:25 pm
4941 Views

Last night at the gym....

This time around, I've decided to start heading to the gym a lil later in the evening so I can completely avoid Gym Stalker Guy.

I already feel insecure enough going to the gym, why add the added element of an ex one-night-stand to the environment??

No, i don't feel your eyes boring into me from behind... Absolutely not. Yah, that's not my Spawn pointing you out and loudly exclaiming "He's staring at you again."

That doesn't make me uncomfortable at all!

What that did, though, was open me up to a new pain in the ass...

Sweaty Armpit Gym Guy

I'd felt bed for him the first time I encountered him. As you may recall, the Spawn had made me angry about a comment she made while faceTiming.... I'm not feeling nearly so bad now.

Sweaty Armpit Gym Guy has been at the gym ever single time I've gone.

Every single time I've gone, he has not only commandeered the treadmill he is exercising on, but the treadmill next to him for his sweaty gym rags and water and the exercise equipment on the other side of him for his personal belongings and shoes.

That's three pieces of equipment.

Even better....

Tonight he wasn't even exercising when I got there. All his crap was laid out, machines unable to be used, and he was merely standing there shooting the shit with another old, large man.

Forty five minutes of shooting the shit.

I was thirty minutes into my treadmill when he says to me....

"Are you watching the tv?"

Um... Yah.

I know you see my eyes glued to the tv while I'm trying to read the closed caption wording on the bottom of the screen,

"Yes, I am watching that home improvement show."

"Oh. I was going to flip it."

"I am watching the home improvement show. I think you'll be fine with having only two tv's to watch tonight."

That is correct! There are three tv's on the wall in front of the bikes and treadmills and he takes over all three every single day.

Today, I'd had enough.

He's smiley enough when he asks, and has a somewhat friendly personality, but I have a feeling it's all fake.

This guy is selfish and expects to get his way.

I smiled sweetly back at him and averted my eyes back up to the tv. I can also be smiley and friendly and expect to get my way.

Happy Thursday!
12 Comments
One year with COVID.
Posted:Mar 10, 2021 3:42 am
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2021 11:59 pm
4826 Views

Today marks an anniversary with Michigan. It was one year ago today that the first COVID case was diagnosed in Michigan.

I certainly didn't think that, one year later, we would still be dealing with all this stuff.

Masks...

Businesses open at half capacity....

Workforce insecurity....

Schools closing....

Once again it looks like the schools where I live are closed again to face to face learning.

Rumors were flying around lunch time yesterday and employees were lined up at my office to ask me if it was true.

Two texts from the school, two phone calls, and two emails later...

It was true. Apparently there were enough positive cases diagnosed in three of our schools that it was deemed necessary to close all schools and spend the week sanitizing them.

Here we go again.

I'm just so, so ready to resume a normal life again.

I don't feel as though anything will ever feel normal again.
6 Comments
What's grosser than gross?
Posted:Mar 9, 2021 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2021 3:15 pm
5436 Views

Using the public restroom where I wor

What's grosser than that??

Having the toilet in the next stall overflow at an alarming rate.

Yah, I think it's safe to say....

I nearly withered up and died at that very moment. When I could see 'stuff' floating on the floor at my feet I started to dry heave and nearly vomited.

In one fell swoop I lost a pair of shoes, socks, and pants as they were now tainted with disgust and sights that could not be unseen.....

"It's not that fucking bad!"

"Yah, maybe if I lived in a fucking third world country. Good God..."

Pissed, I tip toed out of the bathroom to get as little funk on me as possible and went right to Boss #2's office.

"I just had to wade through ankle deep toilet water with sewage floating in it in the bathroom, you may want to get [maintenance crew] on that as soon as possible. I'm going to go home and throw out everything that touched that water and take a shower before I go to the dentist. See you tomorrow."

I'm still pretty pissed off. Those were my new work shoes with the memory foam soles...

Grrrr....
21 Comments
A little food for thought....
Posted:Mar 9, 2021 3:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2021 3:40 pm
5450 Views


Getting my teeth cleaned today, I'm super excited!

I know what you're thinking....

Excited about the dentist??

I'd rather have bamboo shoots shoved beneath my fingernails. I'd rather scrape my knuckles across a cheese grater at high velocity.

I'd rather have any other unimaginable torture befall me before going to the dentist!!

Here's the thing....

There will come a time when we no longer have to sport our masks. The time will come when we can come face to face with people and have conversations with them allowing us to see them in full.

A time when we can see smiles once again!

For me, my smile is important. Up until now, it was always one of the first things people noticed about me, my beautiful smile.

Not because my teeth were perfect, they certainly are not.

Not because my teeth are dazzling white, I do my best but you can't see them from space.

But because my smile is genuine, and and warm, and a beautiful smile can turn someone's whole day around.

So it has always been important to me to see the dentist.

When someone meets me for the first time, the last impression I want to leave on them is...

Yikes! Look at Lady Cletus over here.... She's missing her chewing straw.

Happy Tuesday!
7 Comments
Guess who got their vaccine today?!
Posted:Mar 8, 2021 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2021 10:02 pm
7835 Views
, it was .

So far experiencing a slight limp and I can still kind of see of my right eye.

Am I supposed to be able to taste the color purple??

told the memory loss is temporary....

Shit, forgot what I was doing.



On a more serious note, I did, in fact, get my first COVID-19 vaccine today. So far, so good, no symptoms and my arm isn't even sore at the injection sight. curious to see how I'll feel tomorrow, most of the people I've talked to who have had the vaccine suffered some sort of symptom after both doses.

I guess time will tell.

Wish me luck!
39 Comments

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