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The Beast Burrow
 
All things Beastly for my millions of adoring fans to enjoy on a daily basis.
Also - Where my minions come to check their work schedules, review their job assignments, and pick up their paychecks. Your check is down that hallway to the right #4562. Keep going. You'll see the door....can't miss it. Keeeeeep going.
Aaaahhhhh He's a good kid.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Dot's hits the spots.
Posted:Sep 23, 2020 3:28 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2020 3:29 pm
3762 Views

Short post today, minions (he added hopefully),

If you haven't yet tried the mouth magic that is Dot's Homestyle Pretzels, you need to acquire a bag as soon as possible and shove your face into it. The best compliment you can give most bagged pretzels is, "crunchy". Thats really about it. They all taste roughly the same and share the same texture. Dot's takes the tiny baked bread sticks into an entirely new taste and texture dimension. I ordered two jars of honey mustard pretzel dip to go along with my Dot's purchase, but they honestly aren't needed. The dip actually interferes with the buttery, seasoned tastes and textures of the pretzels themselves. I'll save the dip for inferior pretzels (as if I'll ever buy them again).
Forget sex, minions. Shove Dot's in your mouth instead. Dot's never have a headache or ask you to cuckold yourself to some pita chips.

BEAST OUT
0 Comments
Premature eBlogination - Nothing to be ashamed of.
Posted:Sep 23, 2020 3:17 am
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2020 5:55 pm
2178 Views

In The Beast's previous post, we discussed my habit of crossing The Line while chatting members of the opposite sex. That mysterious line which, once crossed, sends a conversation south unintentionally. In my case it's usually due speaking, cursing, and joking like a sailor. Landlubbers often mistake it for being rude or hateful instead of the casual, everyday banter twenty years in the Navy will develop in a person.
It turns out The Beast didn't offend his most recent partner as I'd originally suspected. She simply headed off the gym without mentioning her end of conversation was on hold.
That brings us yet another difficulty with modern, text-based communication - People's tendency abruptly leave a without mentioning their intentions. It usually happens right around the time I've said something that someone can read the incorrect meaning into, leaving me to wonder for hours or days if I stuck my foot in my mouth.
I'm just saying that it would be nice if people gave a quick indication that they need to stop the exchange for a time. A, "Talk to you later.", "Be right back.", "I gotta run for now.", or "I'll get back to you. " would work just fine. I'd even accept, "And Bob's your uncle. " even though it doesn't technically fit the circumstances.
It's just a thought.

P.S. Does Fuck Mates now have a problem with certain words, numbers, and pictures being used in blogs? I had edit my previous post about half a dozen times and they still kept eliminating a few words and the picture I tried post. I'll be upset if I can't begin attaching my custom cartoons to my topics. I had a few good ones back in the glory days of the Beast Burrow.

BEAST OUT
1 comment
The mysterious line. I cross it.
Posted:Sep 22, 2020 3:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2020 6:32 pm
1755 Views
Greetings and Salutations, my Minions.

OK... It's probably too early in my comeback to have gained any minions, but The Beast is always hopeful.
I just had yet another confrontation with The Line. The Line is a mysterious mystery. It's always lurking there, ready to take whatever progress I make while attempting to connect with the opposite sex and bury it in the dirt.
I was messaging a woman who I had chatted with previously on here. I was doing pretty good and got some positive feedback after offering her the therapeutic benefits of my massage table. Then The Line snuck up and kicked me right in the nuts. The bastard.
I was opening my m a i l while chatting her up, which included a fairly small box which I couldn't connect to any recent purchases at first. Once I cut it open, it turned to be a ten speed, vibrating butt plug I had recently ordered on a whim in case I eventually meet a partner who enjoys that sort of thing.
I found it a bit humorous, so I placed the package on top of my California Rolls and snapped a picture of it. I then shared it with the woman and reassured her that it was not part of the standard massage package. I just found it funny and thought she might get a chuckle of it as well.
She was apparently offended by the photograph, and hasn't written anything since.
Line, meet The Beast. Beast, meet The Line. Happy crossings, everyone.

BEAST OUT
0 Comments
Stop choosing screen names which imply something you don't actually desire.
Posted:Sep 21, 2020 3:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:16 pm
1394 Views

So the Beast (that's me) has noticed a humorous trend here on Fuck Mates, at least among the female half of the patronage. There's a chance that this applies to some men as well, but I can only discuss the profiles I tend to read.
What I'm referring to is the habit of numerous women folk choosing a screen name which implies something that they apparently want no part of, which then causes them to write an angry clarification within the first paragraph of their profile.
I came across two examples just this week. In the first, the woman's screen name of choice heavily implied that she's looking for a Daddy figure to spank her ass. She immediately corrects that in her first paragraph, letting everyone know she's not looking for an ass spanking from a Daddy figure.
The second example was from a woman whose screen name implies she's looking for a guy with a substantial endowment in his southerly regions. She later states that she'll ignore or block any guy who chooses a screen name which implies he has said substantial endowment. That's a good example of a double standard as far as I'm concerned.
The Beast's point, if one exists, is that perhaps people shouldn't choose a screen name which implies something they don't desire, or hold it against someone else for using the same hints in their name they themselves do.
It's just a thought....

BEAST OUT
0 Comments
I'm coming back, Minions.
Posted:Sep 21, 2020 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2020 3:38 pm
1266 Views

OK... I haven't blogged in quite some time, so I doubt too many of my minions are still lurking out there. Perhaps a few have stuck around through the years.
Hopefully I'll gain a new following of minions who will work for the same low wages and meager benefits plan that comes with following me.
I suggest any potential hires read through some of my old posts to get a feel for how I run things. I used to require everyone to wear uniforms made from toilet paper. I may upgrade those at least.
I look forward to serving you all once again. I can't promise we'll be the same, hard hitting organization we were once upon a time, but I'll do my best to get us back on top where we belong.

BEAST OUT
0 Comments
Grandma comes to dinner, 2057: Edition
Posted:Oct 14, 2013 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2013 6:22 pm
24111 Views

Greetings and Salutations, minions. I realize I'm way behind on payroll, but blame the government shutdown.

The Beast has been pondering the future once again, and what types of things will be different from the way they were in days gone by.
I'm sure you've all seen the scene in a television show or major motion picture. A family gathers around the dinner table to celebrate a holiday or family reunion. Grandma gets a few glasses of wine in her and makes what, for the era, is considered a risque comment about Grandpa's sexual prowess back in the good old days. It usually amounts to nothing more than her alluding to how he once squeezed her bottom under the table at a restaurant while her parants were totally unaware. One of the younger women in the room then playfully tells Grandma to stop getting fresh at the dinner table.
I'm thinking those types of situations will be more awkward by the time many of us reach the age where we slip up and say things better kept to ourselves. People are becoming more sexually daring and adventurous these days, so we may see things such as...

Betty - "Grandpa... would you like to try a piece of this sausage?"

Grandpa - "No thank-you, dear. I don't care much for sausage."

Grandma - "That's not what you said behind that truck stop in Idaho when we both sucked off that strange trucker together. Cackle cackle hee hee."

The entire family slowly turns to look at Gran and Gramps, who is now staring intently at a bit of potato on his plate.

Good times to come.

BEAST OUT
0 Comments
You'll do nothing! : Edition
Posted:Sep 27, 2013 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2013 5:01 pm
24390 Views

Sup Minions?,

This will be a relatively short post. I just want to ask a certain group of individuals here on Fuck Mates to stop already with the hollow threats of legal action.
I'm talking about the people whose profiles state that they are married, and looking for a little on the side without their significant other's knowledge. They still put that legal warning that they will seek justice in a court of law if their pictures or other materials are taken and used for purposes they did not authorize.
No.... you won't. You won't seek any legal course of action against anybody, so stop pretending that you will.
You're going to tell your husband/wife that you have to go to court to seek compensation because somebody snagged your naked crotch shot off your profile and are using it on another site? I don't think so. You're going to just suck it up and say, "Damn them! Damn them to Hell!".
How are you going to pursue any legal action without spilling the beans that you're on a sex hookups site? You're not, that's how. I doubt too many people that are actually single even have the time and energy to waste to seek legal action should it happen to them. Will your place of employment give you time off to go to court to protect the 23 various bent over ass shots you took of yourself using your camera phone in the bathroom mirror? Good luck with that.
It's a nice little blurb to throw up on your profile I guess, and I suppose it gives people about the same sense of peace as my bicycle cable lock gives me when I ride to the beach.
I'm just saying.....

BEAST OUT
2 Comments
Your Machismo is really Mythology: Edition
Posted:Sep 22, 2013 9:07 am
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2013 7:36 am
24461 Views

Greetings, minions.... both of you. I'm sure I can't have very many left at this point.

Today's topic is Machismo, or the state of being macho. More specifically, it's about the serious delusional state of mind most men I meet are in.
The Beast has probably mentioned once or twice that he is one of those rare men who was born without the "Spectactor Sport Gene". I've never sat through and watched an entire sporting event on television with the exception of a boxing or UFC event. The small handful of live sporting events I've attended were the result of 1) Free tickets, and 2) An attempt to expose my to events he might enjoy, although I don't.
If you threatened to take away my ability to view even the rare activity I've enjoyed watching, you wouldn't get much more than a shrug out of me for your troubles.
The majority of men I've met in my life, however, seem to believe that their own machismo/toughness/manliness/badassedness is directly linked to their chosen sports personality or team through some sort of cosmic tether.
This post was inspired by a commercial I just watched by the way. In the commercial, one "Super Fan" flys to a friend's house, and meets his friend and his friend's wife in the driveway. The wife states that they are going antiquing. The Super Fan retorts that he is not going antiquing, while shaking his head in a way that suggests that would be an extremely unmanly thing to do. He leaps off to retrieve a dresser to leave for the woman while leaping off again with his buddy in tow by the collar.
Any time I've been around a group of guys watching a sporting event, they are all ripping on each other, and making comments about how much more manly their team (and by cosmic extension.... themselves) are than the other guy's team.
What's manly/macho/tough etc... about watching other people do something? I've never been able to wrap my head around it. You didn't just take that hit from a 300 pound football player..... that other guy did. You had about as much to do with it as I had to do with the last space shuttle launch. (By the way.... I had nothing to do with the last space shuttle launch.)
We're also coming up with some of the most cowardly ways of killing other people around the planet, but still speak in macho terms about them. Flying a drone from 1000 miles away and firing missles at other humans from the safety of an operations bunker is so far removed from brave/manly/macho/heroic that it's a joke. I'm betting those operators still feel heroic after a kill though. I guess that's another topic though.
Sticking with the sports theme is enough for now. Watching other men/women do things doesn't make you..... anything, other than an observer. Stop grunting and chest thumping when somebody you've never met does something amazing. You didn't help.
There has to be something psychologically wrong with any activity that will make one man wear the name of another man across his shoulder blades. There's only one next step for any man to take from there..... You've got to get a stamp that says "Tebow Me" across your lower back.

Beast Out
1 comment
Random Buckshot Edition
Posted:Jul 24, 2013 11:21 am
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2013 11:59 am
26086 Views

Howdy, Minions!

I haven't posted anything in quite some time, so I may start to ramble. I'm just going to throw out several blurbs that I've been playing with over at BookFace, and thought some of you may enjoy here.

Item 1)

I'm taking a couple classic monsters off the table. They will no longer qualify for their own, separate monster grouping. Mummies are the first to feel the axe. They aren't a unique branch of monsters. They're simply zombies with quality linen instead of jeans and T-shirts. They're still simply dead folks who have come back to life and want to kill and eat other humans. That's a zombie.... stop pretending you're something special.

I'm also taking Frankenstein's Monster off the table. That's simply a person who got some spare parts and was brought back to life. How would you like to go in for a heart transplant, die on the operating table and get resusitated, and then get chased around by pitchfork and torch bearing neighbors simply because of those conditions? It wouldn't be fun. You wouldn't like being called a monster, and Frankenstein's guy was no different.

Item 2)

Along with some monsters, I'm also taking some "races" off the table. If this annoying George Zimmerman trial has taught me anything, it's taught me that people think hispanic is a race. Not that there are truly different "races" of humans, but even when scientists broke people down into catagories to differentiate us, there were only 4 groups. We had our astraloids, caucasoids, negroids, and mongoloids. Hispanics did and do fall within the caucasoid grouping, making them "white" for lack of a better term.
Most "races" that people seem to believe exist are nothing more than places. Puerto Rican for an example. It's not a race, it's a designation stating where you're from. The people who live there are more often than not of hispanic decent, making them also caucasoid.... or white. They may be a slightly darker shade of white than me, but still "white".

Item 3)

Has anybody else seen the commercials where we're told that police officers are trained to spot seatbelt violations, even at night?

Really? They're trained for this? There's like a class or something? That must be the shortest, most boring class in history, and I've sat through plenty of useless General Military Training (GMTs).

I can picture it going something like this.

Instructor: "Do you see this picture of a man in a car?"
Officer: "Yes"
Instructor: "Does he appear to be wearing a seatbelt?"
Officer: "No"
Instructor: "See this picture of another person?"
Officer: "Yes"
Instructor: "Doesn't it look as if the seatbelt is simply crammed into the crook of their arm, and not actually being worn properly?"
Officer: "Yup"
Instructor: "You pass. Go write tickets."

OK.... I'm done for now.

BEAST OUT
1 comment
The Dark Knight Falls Flat On His Face: Edition
Posted:Jun 27, 2013 7:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2013 3:10 pm
25215 Views
Today's post is simply a little picture I put together showing one of the many things about The Dark Knight Rises that made no sense whatsoever. If you haven't seen the movie, it probably won't be funny to you.

0 Comments
It's what's on the inside that counts. (But that's telling me something.) Edition
Posted:Jun 18, 2013 5:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2013 6:42 pm
26524 Views

Greetings, minions, and welcome back once again to the greatest show on the planet which doesn't involve trained hamsters.

Let me begin this particular post by saying that The Beast tries hard not to judge people too much as long as they aren't bothering me any. With that being said... some people are bothering me.

It gets said quite often by certain individuals that it's what's on the inside of a person that counts, and that people shouldn't be judged by their outward appearance. I can agree with that to a certain extent, but I think that mentality gets abused by some people out there in the world.
The phrase is most often used to defend a woman on the larger side. I suppose it's been used to prop up some portly men as well, but I haven't personally experienced that nearly as much as with females.
The reason this mentality irked me recently was due to me reading the profile of a woman who clearly had a double standard. She was a woman of larger proportions, and stated within her own profile that she's sick of men judging her on her size before even getting to know her. I would have left her profile on her side if not for the very next paragraph. She went on to describe her ideal person, and that person needed to be in shape and muscular. Somebody who takes care of themselves and has a bit of pride in their appearance.
I fully agree that some people (men and women) will always be in a battle to control their weight. Some, however, look as if they don't put any effort into doing anything about it at all, and don't list anything within their hobbies to suggest that improving is something that they strive towards.
What's on the inside might be what's important, but what's on the outside certainly gives an indication of what's going on inside of a person. If your outside appears that you completely neglect 1 of the 2 things we get in life to call our own (mind/body), then observers can probably infer that you are possibly lazy, don't give a shit, or can't manage your time wisely. (I say that due to so many people saying they don't have time to exercise.)
I was in the Navy for 20 years. At sea I worked some of the longest hours a person can work a job, and then had to turn around and usually stand a 4 hour watch sometime during the night. I still managed to find 20 - 30 minutes to squeeze in a workout. Here in the states, I still had to sometimes put in a ridiculously long day at work, take care of the household chores when I did finally get there, take care of a , and all of the other things that life throws at you........ still managed to exercise regularly.

The bottom line for me is this - While I agree that what a person has to offer on the inside is ultimately more important than what their physical appearance may be, that physical appearance can be an indicator that I'm probably not going to like what's going on inside. That can be true for physical fitness, your hygiene, how you carry yourself, and many other factors.

BEAST OUT
1 comment
HNW Early (Gator) - Edition
Posted:Jun 11, 2013 5:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2020 3:19 am
28440 Views
This is as much for me as my minions. I'm trying to keep a weekly record of my weight loss to refer back to. Do I look at least a few pounds slimmer than I did in my last HNW?

What?........ I didn't name myself OneStrangeBeast for shits and giggles. Leave the gator alone.

6 Comments
Never help the Germans OR Was I Out of Line - Edition
Posted:Jun 7, 2013 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2013 9:07 am
28382 Views

So here's an exchange I just had with a woman on here. I'll ask all of you minions out there. Was I out of line, or is she a bit hot tempered?

ME - I'm not trying to be a smartass, but if you want, I'll rewrite your profile for you. I understand english probably isn't your first language.
Take Moron 5 for example. Moron means something completely different than Maroon.

Up to you.

HER - well first of all Im german I don't need u to do anytning for me people make mistakes I didn learn English in school I learned it all on my own I don't a smart ass like u telling me what I wrote halt deine gosche u understand that

ME - Well.... I even stated in the beginning that I wasn't trying to be a smartass, but I guess some people see what they want. Have a great night.
And no..... I don't speak german, so I have no idea what that last bit you wrote was. I'm sure it was very polite though.

HER - exuse me u where not polite either who cares what I wrote I told u to shut up in german.....do u go around spell check peoples profie ...u think

ur strange

ME - I simply offered to help you with your profile. It's got a pile of spelling errors, and completely lacks any puncuation. I offered in as nice a way as I could. I didn't try to make you feel stupid. I even stated that I realized english probably wasn't your first language. How that makes me impolite is a mystery to me. It must be a cultural difference.
You obviously look at any offer of help as an insult.

BEAST OUT
6 Comments

To link to this blog (OneStrangeBeast) use [blog OneStrangeBeast] in your messages.

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