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The Beast Burrow
 
All things Beastly for my millions of adoring fans to enjoy on a daily basis.
Also - Where my minions come to check their work schedules, review their job assignments, and pick up their paychecks. Your check is down that hallway to the right #4562. Keep going. You'll see the door....can't miss it. Keeeeeep going.
Aaaahhhhh He's a good kid.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
The Mothman meets Bloggermen Edition
Posted:Apr 29, 2012 3:57 pm
Last Updated:May 1, 2012 4:31 pm
9567 Views

I mentioned Point Pleasant, WV and The Mothman Festival earlier to KarlBloggerfeld. That got me thinking this year's festival would be a cool venue for a blogger get-together if anybody is interested and can make it. I'm determined this year since my buddies screwed me out of my chance to go last year.
It's held September 15 & 16 in Point Pleasant, WV. This year is the 10th or 11th (website has both numbers) anniversary of the festival, so it's sure to be even more Mothmany than ever. I may need somebody to hold my hand on the TNT Hayride.
If this sounds at all interesting to any of you, let me know and maybe we can plan something.

BEAST OUT
7 Comments
This is a little Ditty for Karl Edition
Posted:Apr 29, 2012 9:17 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2012 3:15 pm
9682 Views

Welcome minions, to today's entertainment!
I happen to know my good other-state buddy, co-vice presidential candidate, and fellow bonfire dancing, Thor worshipping viking brother karlbloggerfeld happens to be a tremendous fan of A Double Eff Pornitry. That's poetry, but with a high concentration of dewey petals and turgid stalks.
(If anybody is keeping score, that's like about the fourth blogging word I've created. You're welcome.)
This one is dedicated to the man who pioneered the Angry Artificial Anus Attack maneuver...... Karl Bloggerfeld!!!!
________________________________________________________________

Well he's a handsome man
And speaks fluent lawyerese
The 1 million woman march
Celebrated those that he does please

He's quick of wit
And takes no shit
From pesky interlopers
In just a little bit
His fist will surely hit
Any other female gropers

He's dashing, and daring
And he's also very nice
If you want 10 inches
He'll gladly fuck you twice

If foreplay is of import to you
He knows exactly what to do
He'll warm you up before the act
Last porno viewed, he'll reenact

Kissing is a dying art?
But not to this mouth master
His tongue will surely win your heart
And his cock just that much faster

So ladies if you enjoy a bard
And a lover simply unparalleled
Head over to my buddy's yard
And comment, "Fuck me Bloggerfeld!!!"
7 Comments
The Beast Burrow debut of Larry and Roger Edition
Posted:Apr 28, 2012 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2012 6:04 pm
9661 Views
I created these guys a while back for Testical Tuesday. I decided it was time to give them a shot at the big time here in the burrow as regular guests.
11 Comments
Swarenge and Swarenje Edition
Posted:Apr 27, 2012 4:33 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2012 8:03 am
8897 Views

This isn't so much a post as it is a way for me to build the framework proving that I created a word. I've always wanted to add something to the lexicon, and I want to make sure I can point back and claim the much deserved, Beastly credit.
I honestly can't remember if I've ever mentioned this in a past post, and I'm not going to scan through all of them to double check. What's the harm in more than 1 waypoint here though?
So here, in all it's Beastly glory, is a word of my very own creation.

Swarenge s[warw]-inj

Noun

1. Grossly exaggerated stories, and complete lies, men rely on
in a gym setting to make themselves appear stronger, faster,
and more physically impressive to other men than they
actually are.

Swarenje s[warw]-inj

Essentially the same as swarenge, except amplified in
magnitude. The swarenje level can usually only be reached
when 5 or more men are grouped together around a single
piece of gym equipment, swapping stories.

As an added bonus, I've made sure that my word rhymes with orange so that poets will no longer be handicapped trying to find something to rhyme with their favorite citrus fruit. You're welcome.

I have used the good old internet to do a search on this word and the swarenge variation does appear to be a surname in some far flung corner of the globe. I'm not worried about that however because this is clearly an Americanized, and Beasterized version of the word.

BEAST OUT
3 Comments
Happy Friday Edition!
Posted:Apr 27, 2012 3:30 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2012 6:17 pm
9042 Views

Hello, my mighty minions, and welcome to the burrow once again.
Can you feel the excitement in the air? Today marks the 1 week countdown to The Avengers movie coming to a theatre near you.
Don't forget that it's every minion's duty to go see this film even if it isn't your normal taste. I promise you'll have a great time simply by picturing me every time Chris Evans appears on screen wearing that false Captain America costume with the protective plastic helmet and painted on, 2 dimensional wings. Bwahahahahahahahahaha
It's the weekend once again, so I imagine most of you will either be catching up on chores you can never seem to get to during the week and possibly venturing out into the real world to have a bit of fun. I hope you all have a great time.
I have to get my up at the crack of dawn and take him with me as I get my truck serviced and its yearly vehicle inspection handled. I'm hoping they don't call me on my cell and tell me I need $758.00 worth of parts and labor to make it road worthy.
Since it is the weekend, I'll spare you all a long, drawn out post. Nobody wants to read a load of my ramblings on a friday evening full of promise I imagine.
Everybody enjoy yourselves. Once I get a handle on the majority of my weekend projects I'll be back.

BEAST OUT
12 Comments
Men manufacturing sluts Edition
Posted:Apr 26, 2012 11:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2012 7:00 pm
10505 Views
(I write this post, not as the innocent, pointing the accusing finger, but as an honest observer who realizes he has probably helped this process along a time or two himself. )

Men create sluts. I briefly touched on this in a long ago post, in a galaxy far, far away. I thought today would be a good day to expand upon the topic. It usually helps if I write about the first thing that pops into my head each day, rather than debate with myself on what to post.

Men create sluts, and here's the process by which they do it. It's rather like an assembly line in a major automobile manufacturing plant.
Let's start with a younger woman of 18 for legal purposes and good taste. She meets the first man in the chain of workers who will process her raw materials into a dull, shine-free slut complete with racing frown lines.
This first guy may be as inexperienced with women as this woman is with men, but he's seen the movies and really wants to try position #47, or #1 for that matter. He's probably picked the high school girl who hasn't blossomed yet, and will be happy to have a first date.
He places the woman in front of him at his workstation and begins the process of coaxing her into having sex. She finally succumbs to his pestering, and in a clumsy act performed in that empty room above the bowling alley that nobody watches all too closely, he attaches her first slut machinery.
Women are more prone to being committed and falling for that first love than men. This woman may very well be content with keeping this first guy around, but he's gotten a taste, and now realizes since he knows the moves, he can confidently move on to a sleeker model of machine.
He quits this factory the next day, not even bothering to pick up his final paycheck.
The woman is upset, and vows to be sure the next man is The One, before getting into "bed" again.
The man has already moved on to his second job at a new plant, with blonde hair and a nicer rack. He did however make sure to tell all of his friends in the locker room what a great place it was to work at his old job, and men always listen up when job opportunities are spoken of.
One of the men who has overheard that this job opportunity is now available, and what the benefits are, quickly makes a move to show the woman why he would make a much better employee.
The woman is hesitant about hiring again so soon, but the man seems genuinely concerned for her in her time of loss. She decides to give it a shot and see if things can be different this time around.
This man seems like a much better employee since he's being extra hard working and considerate early on. She decides it's safe to go ahead and give him full access to the assembly line.
This guy attaches 2 or 3 more parts to the slutmobile, and then decides he needs his space because the job is starting to cramp his active lifestyle of competitive snowball rolling. He quits and moves on.
He does however make sure to tell all of his buddies at the poker game what an amazing #17 this woman gives and that she'll let you do a #23 if you're very gentle.
3 new men apply for the vacated position.... Quickly.

I could probably drag this out for 3 or 4 more links in the assembly line chain, but you all get the general idea.
Many women would be happily content to spend the rest of their lives and raise a family with the first man that meets at least half of their fantasy wish list criteria for a man.
Men, in general, always think they can get something better, in a more sporty body design, and a flashier color.
I can't deny that I've dated women with the sole desire of spending quality naked time with them. I have however always tried to be up front about my intentions and allowed them to decide if they wanted to play along.
I have tried to avoid the kiss and tell mentality that most men I've known have though.
Men head out to a nightclub, loudly announcing to their buddies that they hope to meet a woman that will put out. The minute they meet her however, they automatically think "What a slut for doing that after just meeting me!", and conveniently lose her phone number.... But don't forget to point her out to buddies if the opportunity arises, letting them know what she'll do to them in the dark.
This is the process, as I see it, for how most men go about making women sluts in their eyes. We are our own and women's own worst enemies in this regard.
I'll take this opportunity to say sorry for any participation I've personally had in the process. I honestly try not to add to it. Even those women whom I've had strictly physical relationships with, I'd like to think I've treated with respect and not spread falsehoods about them.
To be fair - women may also play a role in making "dogs" of some men. My attempts to infiltrate the women's locker room to eavesdrop for research purposes however, have continuously been thwarted by sluts.
If any of you lovely ladies are looking for a blog topic, feel free to take that on.

See... When I just start writing about the first topic that comes to mind, it takes me no time to get a post written. Who timed me?
Which minion is in charge of timing The Beast? I really need a roster.
BEAST OUT

Bonus Material!

Increase your blogging knowledge with OneStrangeBeast's Completely Random But Strangely Interesting Tidbits Program.
Today's Tidbit - Weird Body Tricks. Just for fun, place one of your hands flat atop your head and challenge a much larger person to try and lift it off with one of their hands. Through some strange mechanics of the human body, it's nearly impossible for somebody to succeed at this even if they look like a power lifter compared to you.
14 Comments
An apology for nothing Edition
Posted:Apr 25, 2012 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2012 11:25 am
9444 Views

I have nothing today my minions. I am truly sorry. I loaded 3 flatbed trucks and unloaded 4 at out destination today. My right leg fell through the bed of a truck because half a floor board was missing and I nearly took the skin off my shin and had a screw try to penetrate my knee. I hefted about 50 boxes and 50 other random, heavy objects including large steel lockers.
I'm just tired, sore, and cranky.
I'm going to use this evening to roam through a few other burrows and leave funny and annoying comments for people.
I'll have something fresh and exciting for you tomorrow. Beastly Promise.

BEAST OUT

P.S. Thank-you all for the compliments on my suit. You won't believe how good Mod 2 is going to look. I may do Mod 1 of The Flash first though. I know that movie is just around the corner. That's an easier costume (mostly red), and I now know how to go about this process.

Goodnight!
10 Comments
The long awaited Full Monty. Errrrrr Captain I mean. Edition
Posted:Apr 24, 2012 7:28 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2012 7:47 pm
10590 Views
Only one final step. Crash diet for the next 10 days to streamline my girlish figure just a little bit.
24 Comments
Passing The Torch Edition
Posted:Apr 24, 2012 9:42 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2012 7:25 pm
9915 Views
spiderj72 recently wrote a post asking folks what they do with their old and broken sex toys. He described a very covert operation involving the dumpster at his place of work and a dead soldier wrapped in a rag.
That made me think of a newer documentary titled The Light Bulb Conspiracy. The documentary deals with how companies make products to fail on purpose at a certain point, guaranteeing repeat customers.
They show actual documents that reveal how early light bulb companies formed a cabal and would fine each other if any company made a bulb that outlived their 1000 hour agreed upon lifespan.
A light bulb was even shown at a firehouse in california, I believe, which has been burning 24/7 since 1901. That bulb was obviously made prior to the cabal taking over.
This post isn't about light bulbs however. It's about sex toys.
What if your vibrators didn't break after repeated use? What if they were made so well, they could be considered family heirlooms eventually?
Would there be an official family tradition built around the handing down of the family vibrator from an older woman, to a younger member of Clan McDiddle?
When would be the proper time for the ceremony to take place? I think perhaps shortly after a young girl gets her first menstrual cycle and begins to feel those strange stirrings deep inside her that tell her boys look interesting. (Or other girls for that matter)
Would there be a single, similar ceremony across the entire society, or would each family custom tailor an event to suit their own ideas on how the passing of the torch should happen. (Passing of the torch... I made a funny. Flaming dildo! Bwahahahahahaha)
I think it should be handled much like a family reunion. It would even be an excuse to hold a family reunion.
Invitation cards could be sent out with colorful announcements like, "Come help us celebrate as our little Linda takes possession of Grandma Gertrude's prized Double Penetrating Purple Peter!"
Here's the Minion Assignment for the day. If you comment on this post, please include a dish you think would be appropriate to serve at a family get together devoted to an older family member passing a sex toy down to a younger one.
I can see potential for some very awkward ceremonies if this was a real tradition.
What if a young lady reached the proper age for receiving an heirloom, but the only one available was sweet Grandpa Fred's Bum Master 2000? Everybody knew Grandpa was extra sweet for a reason.
I guess that would be rather like receiving the ghastly, hand-made sweater from Aunt Peggy on your birthday.
I can see a touching scene in a movie where an old woman has fallen on hard times and is reluctantly forced to hock her cherished vibrator at the pawn shop. In a later scene, she would be saved from financial ruin at the last moment and find out her nephew had secretly gone to the pawn shop and reclaimed her Pink Jelly Twister.
There wouldn't be a dry eye in the movie theatre folks...not one dry eye. There would be few dry panties as well I imagine.
OK.... I will now release you from this madness. I just wanted to see if I could milk this topic for a post worthy length.

BEAST OUT

Bonus Material!

Improve your blogging knowledge with OneStrangeBeast's Little Known Facts From History Program.
Today's Topic: Toilets - Some of the earliest suspected indoor toilets have been found at the Late Stone Age site of Skara Brae Village on the Islands of Orkney, off the coast of Scotland. Recesses built into the stonework of homes erected there in 2800 B.C.E. appear to have been used as toilets due to them being connected to drains which lead to the exterior of the structures.
There were no lids, so I doubt any of the early men got yelled at for leaving it up.
11 Comments
How The Beast won the girl and lost his virginity Edition
Posted:Apr 23, 2012 10:28 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2012 8:19 am
9662 Views

So when I was 15 years old, growing up in Cadillac Michigan, I wasn't exactly what you would call a Beast just yet. I was actually quite thin, and had never been overly athletic either.
I didn't fit in with any of the established cliques, even though I got along well enough with members of all of them. I couldn't be shoe-horned into the skaters, jocks, stoners, grease monkeys, preps, or alternative groups. I was a member of The Leftovers.
Every day at lunch, I sat at the same table with a small group of my fellow Leftovers and we generally didn't bother anybody.
A girl named Terri started sitting with us one day out of the blue. I thought it was a little strange as she fit in more with the preppy crowd, but as I said, we got along with everybody.
About a week after Terri started sitting with us, a guy named Brad happened by one day and started doing his bully routine with a skater named Charlie who sat with us.
Brad ran with Dave, who was considered one of the "Don't mess with that guy" crowd. Brad was his henchman, more or less. On this particular day, Brad decided his henchman duties included giving a big wet Willie to Charlie.
Now I wasn't what you would call a Bad Ass back then, and I had never started a fight in my life. I did, however, always have balls when it came to defending other people if they needed it.
I stood up and told Brad to leave Charlie alone. He then asked some variation of what was I going to do about if he didn't.
I asked Brad how he would like it if somebody stuck a finger slicked with saliva in his own ear. He told me anybody attempting it would have to be brain dead.
I was brain dead.
I walked toward Brad and stuck my finger in my mouth, making sure to get it extra spitty. I extended my hand toward Brad's ear and he immediately raised his arm and blocked my hand.
Brad warned me I was very close to getting punched in the face. I just kept telling him to drop his arm so we could find out.
After I insisted the third time, Brad dropped his arm and I stuck my finger in his ear. This was followed rather quickly by Brad attempting to land two punches squarely on my face which I managed to dodge, only receiving light grazes across my left cheek.
Brad and I then locked up in the classic double-jacket-collar-snatch-and-push. They were probably leather jackets considering the time period. I'm still not entirely sure how, perhaps adrenaline, but I managed to win the push-off and got Brad on his back in a cafeteria booth.
All of my friends were yelling for me to hit him, but I played it off like it was all a bit of boys being boys before a teacher came along and ended the scuffle anyway.
The event did two things for me that I didn't expect.
Brad lost favor in the eyes of Dave and wound up calling me a week after the scuffle to ask me if I wanted to hang out. We became pretty good friends for the rest of our high school days, and Brad stopped being so much of a bully. I think he realized he was more of a Leftover than he thought.
I also noticed the twinkle in Terri's eyes as she watched me handle the situation with Charlie/Brad. I ended up asking her to homecoming and even though she told me I wouldn't be doing any of that under the panties stuff, a month into dating she walked me out into a field of tall grass near her house and asked me to get naked and put my weiner in her.
I couldn't find the darned hole at first. I was sure it was there because my fingers had found it. My weiner eventually located it as well and that's all she wrote. The Beast was hooked on the wonderful thrill associated with naked females and the things they'll sometimes allow us boys to do.

BEAST OUT

Bonus Material!

Improve your blogging knowledge with OneStrangeBeast's Little Known Facts from History Program.
Today's Topic: Dildos and the Arts - Herondas of Alexadndria, who lived in the third century B.C.E., wrote a short comedy called A Private Chat. (Fitting for the way we communicate now, huh?) The play revolved around a woman named Metro inquiring of her friend Corrito, on exactly where she had her dildo made.
Coritto was shocked that Metro even knew of the dildo and was angered to find out that the woman, Eubule, whom she had loaned it to, had then passed it along to another woman, Nossis, before she had even had the chance to give it a try.
The play ends after Coritto informs Metro that the leather worker, Cerdon, made the dildo and Metro runs off to find Artemis who can arrange a meeting with Cerdon, who keeps his business a secret to avoid paying taxes.

And this is where we get the term "Dildo Taxes".

I made that last part up unless somebody really is using the term dildo taxes.
10 Comments
Not perfect, but perfectly acceptable
Posted:Apr 22, 2012 10:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2012 3:18 pm
9856 Views
I am done. All I have to do now is wait for the glue to dry before applying a final touch up over the glue with some blue fabric paint.
If I do toot my own horn..... this sucker looks pretty darned good. The dye is a little darker than the rest of the suit, but I can live with that.
Knowing what I know now, I could make another, even better version of this suit, and much cheaper. I probably wasted over $100.00 buying materials I ultimately didn't need or that didn't work for my purposes.
The process was fun however, so I guess it was all worth it in the end.
I think I even have some people convinced to aquire ready made costumes and round out my Avengers team.

BEAST OUT
11 Comments
I won First Place! Edition
Posted:Apr 21, 2012 2:57 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2012 8:07 am
9561 Views
That's right.... I'm #1! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I just want to wish each and every minion out there the very best of weekends possible. I hope you get to do something just for you and possibly share it with somebody that doesn't make you throw up in the back of your throat.
I won't be posting much if anything until monday rolls around. I'm going to try to take my to do something other than lay around the floor, playing with his Matchbox cars and telling me how much I suck every 5 minutes.
Maybe I'll take him to the aquarium or a museum. I'm sure I'll find something out there that two can find entertainment in.
BTW - I formed and cut both the ear and face openings for my mask. The wings and "A" for the forehead are both done. I currently have the body of the mask soaking in a vat of royal blue dye and hot water. As soon as the dye has set, I'll be ready to attach the wings and "A" and this mask will be a wrap. It won't be perfect, but I'm finally confident it will be perfectly acceptable.

BEAST OUT

P.S. I may write some rather stupid crap in here from time to time. I may draw some simplistic and half-assed doodles....but at least it's all my own, original shit.
I guess there's no governing body controlling whether bloggers simply cut and paste an entire article they find online into their blog without annotating the source or actual writer.
Attention cut and pasters... it's an easy task to cut and paste the first sentence of your obviously you-didn't-write-that-shit blog post and find it's origin. I'm just saying.
If you post stupid pictures 75% of the time and write, "Hee Hee....look at the bunny!", it's glaringly obvious something is up when you then post a college thesis once a week.
Rest assured minions. When you come to The Beast Burrow, you're getting original, Beastly shit! Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?
9 Comments
DZG Dancing
Posted:Apr 20, 2012 11:17 am
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2012 4:15 am
8901 Views
I drew this to once again poke fun at my buddy
dirtygirl411 for having gotten herself zombie bit. I wanted to throw it up here as well because.... it's funny.
1 comment

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